One of my favorite memories from living in London: the Sunday roast scene. You could go to many a pub and get the most delicious plate of feel-good food, read a book, play a board game, or chat with friends while watching rugby. I remember sitting in one pub on a Sunday with my partner at the time and feeling very calm and happy while I chowed down on a plate of roast chicken. Afterwards, I felt like I was more ready to tackle the week ahead of me with a warm layer of joy to protect me. Thinking of that memory, I was interested to read about the concept of 'protective factors' during one of my psychology classes which focused specifically on development.
In a nutshell, protective factors are characteristics or habits that help protect us or our children from negative outcomes in the future. It is kind of like thinking about putting on sunscreen so you avoid getting a sunburn. Apart from staying out of the sun completely, nothing can stop you from getting burnt. However, sunblock can certainly reduce your risk of getting crispy and mean you get to stay in the sun longer before getting blistery. Protective factors function similarly and tend to focus on having a strong community, family bonds, positive parenting, etc.... you can find a full list here. For me, the most important piece is that a person who has connections with communities, someone who has a safety net to talk to, to have fun with, to grow with, and to learn from, is ultimately going to be a happier person. They have more protective armor and can be more resilient. So why do I care about that? Think about any party you've ever been to: where does everyone hang out? By the pets and in the kitchen. Why? Because pets are the best, but also, because the kitchen is where the food is.
That's why I made a roast chicken this weekend when we had a dear friend over. Despite the oven playing with my nerves, we found a brilliant solution (thanks, Mami!) to finish the bird in the bbq (like a convection oven, ha!). When we sat down to eat, we enjoyed a flavorful, juicy, and aromatic meal. It came with some sides of potatoes and carrots, yum. It was the kind of meal that makes you sigh, because in that moment, your world is perfect. I timed the prep of said roast chicken. Can you guess how long it took me, including peeling carrots (which is the worst)? Under 10 minutes. I honestly didn't expect that either. It is a liberating and empowering piece of information: in under 10 minutes I can get a crowd-pleasing meal together that invites others over and creates more of those protective factors around me - and to the people I invite. It is the chickeny gift that keeps on giving.
This brings me to my final reason to build your community with food. Last quarter we had a chance to do some reading on counseling techniques that showed promise. I was really excited when I found an article that looked at the impact of empathy and compassion when treating patients suffering from eating disorders. You can find my full summary here, but the main takeaway is that when you focus on self-compassion you reduce shame and therefore reduce the need to do compensatory behaviors (like throwing up, binge eating, or starving yourself). That sounds so simple, doesn't it? But how do you teach someone self-compassion? I would argue it starts with empathy and understanding you're not alone. And this, my friends, brings me full circle. In order to build empathy, we can best do so by getting to know each other - building trust, sharing joy, realizing pain, and seeing strength. A meal is a perfect setting to explore those things, and the more you make time to care for yourself with a good plate of food, the more you're likely to invite others and join in. There, the moment of sitting down together, is the gift you give each other: time and love.
So, I leave you with a reminder that I have more recipe ideas on how to use that roast chicken for its leftovers in a few fun and easy ways. Tim says he loves the recipes and I hope you do, too. Much love to you all - muah!
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