I can’t be the only one who dreads Valentine’s Day. It is this weird combination of a limited historical connection to today (did Valentine’s Day come from religious martyrs?) and over-the-top cultural pushes to be in love, show love, etc. Personally, I find it confusing.
For one, the day itself sets the expectation that you should feel a certain way - romantically in love, so in love that you just can’t contain yourself and you must shower your person(s) with gifts. Second, you can’t escape red, pink, and purple oozing out of every orifice of society. Third, if you don’t have a sexy date lined up, you almost have to defend your decision; “I’m doing galentines” or “I love my person the same all year round.”
Me? I have experienced everything from flamin’ love to flamin’ out. (I was dumped the week of Valentine’s Day and it stung. A lot.) While my dad used to send me flowers for valentine’s day from ‘my secret admirer’ – something I still cherish – I am very happy to treat vday like any other day. Just with a lot more donuts, grilled cheese, and wine.
The truth is that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It depends on what YOU want. I mean that authentically, selfishly, and empathetically. Let me break it down for you:
Authentically YOU: a theory of psychology is called humanistic psychology. The gist of it is that for you to be authentically happy you need to be in alignment between your body and mind. So, for example, if someone says they’re calm but they can’t stop fidgeting, that might represent some tension. Fidgeting tends to represent anxiety or restlessness, which is the opposite of calm. So, what lies beneath that fidgeting? It is the same way I see vday. If you authentically want something, whether that be to experience the craziness of the day in its entirety or to hide under black covers in bed, let go of the shame associated with your desires. Fully embrace the moment for what it means to you. That way, you are present, joyful, grateful, and loving on yourself authentically.
Selfishly YOU: the common thread in any happy relationship, whether that be with
yourself or someone else, is to communicate what you need. Do you even KNOW how many times I have misinterpreted signals when I didn’t ask for clarity? So, so many. I tend to notice my mistakes most when I deal with animals because I don’t have the benefit of words to make sense of mishaps. I have to step back and watch the animal’s body language, think through experiences from their lens, and figure out how to communicate what I want (for example, ‘Ollie, heel’). This usually starts with figuring out want I need (Ollie, please stay near me so I can keep you safe). I have learned that the same is true for my relationship with my foreverroommate. If I never tell him what I want he may guess (‘maybe she wants ice cream?’), but I can’t expect him to read my mind if I haven’t even figured it out yet (I actually wanted cheese). Take a moment to reflect on what YOU want, without shame, and then share it with the people you want to keep around. Again, that could just be a message back to yourself.
Empathetically YOU: I just got done saying be selfish, but I want to clarify that this is not the same as ‘expect perfection’. Perfection is a dish best thrown into the trash. Perfection takes away the best of life and blurs the lines of effort vs. results. I can, have, and will put my heart and soul into going for a run and it may still be ‘meh’. The other day I was feeling strong and fast and fit and then I turned around because Ollie was taking a poo and I fell face-first into the grass. The epitome of grace I tell you. I was on all fours for at least 2 minutes alongside a busy road just doing inventory on myself. The main injury was of course my ego. When I say be empathetically you, I mean be kind to yourself and the people you might be celebrating with. Someone may have put a lot of effort into making the day special and it may flop headfirst into a patch of scratchy grass. Looking only at the fall takes away from the effort it took to get there. So, I say, honor the effort. Give shame the boot. Honor yourself.
I am applying the same mentality to my cooking as we march towards Vday. I’ll be sharing a variety of dinners and desserts which hopefully inspire you to be authentically, selfishly, empathetically you. They are delicious, easy, and affordable. Loving yourself can come in all forms, and I show love through food. Get a sneak peak of the recipes on the recipe hub!
Love, Leah
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